This Did you hear the one about the Chinese guy who...? No? How about the Native Indian who wanted to...? Or what about the Black fellow who went up to...?

Then there's the Jewish kid, and the Irish priest, and the Pakistani worker, and the Dumb Blonde (or Dumb Pole or Dumb Newfoundlander) and the --

You know what I'm getting at, don't you?
It's those jokes: the ones that pigeon-hole, stereotype, insult, mock, condescend to, make fun of, exaggerate the features/
attitudes/professions/qualities/attributes and (purported) stupidities of almost everyone
else on this earth except ourselves. (Of course, a lot of jokes poke fun at ourselves, too
-- Catholics mocking the Pope, Irish attacking their supposed propensity for drink or rowdiness and even women making fun of womankind. But that's another matter -- and one which can be just as troublesome -- and we'll look at that question a little bit later).

I want to talk with you about jokes. But not about just any jokes, of course, like the ones you hear on Seinfeld or Roseanne. I'm thinking about those jokes -- like the half-told ones
I began with -- which are specifically about racial, religious or sex-groups (the latter including women, gays and -- yes! -- even men!)

Jokes have great power. They have tremendous power for Good, in that they can relieve tension, make us roar with laughter, free us from a sometimes tense or difficult moment in time, even grant us power that we don't have, and very much need.

The catch is that jokes can have a great power for Evil, too. They can diminish and lessen our respect for others; they can make it easier for us to pay less to others (Women? Blacks?); they can even make it possible for us to avoid hiring them, or even firing them. (Remember that painful moment in the movie Philadelphia when the gay character played by Tom Hanks hears a cruel joke insulting homosexuals told by his boss? It's at that moment he knows he will have to hide his sexual orientation; indeed, it's then he realizes that he could easily be kicked out of his job for being gay -- as he soon would be.)

What I want to do is to share some great jokes with you -- but to share some warnings, too. And since I'm going to be "preaching" a bit, maybe I'd better introduce myself. I'm a full-time freelance writer. I've written for a dozen radio and TV shows; I've had more than 500 magazine articles published, plus fully 20 books (and counting). In fact, a lot of my books are original humour/political satire, and one of them, The Great Big Book of Canadian Humour, is a major anthology of some of our country's finest essayists, comedians and TV and radio writers. In other words, comedy and humor are at the
very core of my existence, and I love them dearly.

Here's one that gets a laugh when I lecture on this subject:

Once a woman got mugged and her purse was stolen. She went to the police,
who put her in a darkened room. Then, a group of men trotted slowly out from
a side door, and walked solemnly across the stage in front of her. Suddenly,
one of the men (A Pole? A Newfie? Does it matter?) stops and points at the
woman in the audience.
"That's her!" he yells out loud.

Now, that's a very funny joke. And I think you immediately know why: We all know instinctively that the victim is supposed to identify the guy who mugged her; he is not supposed to confess!!

In other words, we laugh at the outrageous stupidity of the mugger; he's got the purpose
of the line-up all wrong!

Ahh, but here's the catch, dear reader: Does the mugger have to be a Newfoundlander to
make us laugh? Or a Polish man? I don't think so. The tremendous pleasure which jokes
like that give us -- (and it's a rather cheap form of pleasure, if you think about it) -- is based on simple superiority: None of us would be so stupid as to confess to a mugging
like that! But when it is made into a Newfie or a Polish joke, it has the potential to cause real harm and hurt to others.

(You think I'm exaggerating? Several years ago, a major study was done on stereotyping
in the United States, in which people were asked to match "nations" or "races" with various "attributes." The highest percentage of any of the answers was the word "stupid" linked with "Polish." I can assure you, these responses had nothing to do with actual or real Polish people; the level of intellectuals and scholars in Poland has always been among the highest in all of Europe. The almost-racist response was obviously due to the endless "Polish jokes" -- and, in Canada, Newfie jokes -- which swept North America over the 1970s.
I told you that jokes can be Evil -- and even dangerous.)

I once interviewed the very brilliant Mark Breslin, the founder of nearly two dozen Yuk
Yuks comedy clubs across North America. He is a scholar of humour, and knows the real origin of those so-called Polish/Newfie jokes: "They go back to several hundred years ago, primarily in England, when the many hundreds of thousands who chose to live in (crowded, filthy, squalid) London used to love to make fun of those (stupid/dumb/silly/backward) farmers who still lived in the (clean/healthy/wide-open!) country." In other words, the modern Polish joke is nothing more than ancient City/Country, City-Dweller/Farmer jokes. But what we end up with, is tens of millions of people who think of the word "stupid" when they hear the word "Pole" or "Newfoundlander" -- which is dangerous, ugly and, yes, stupid.

So how does a Pole fight back? Well, here's a nice example:

A college professor begins his first class of the year by telling a series of Polish
jokes. A young woman in the back leaps up and yells out: "Professor Jones, do
you speak Polish?"
"Why, no - I don't," the teacher replies.
"Well, do you read or write Polish, then?" she asks.
"No, I can't say that I can," the professor admits.
"So," asks the student, "What's it like being stupider than a Pole?"

Nice put-down, eh? And, I'm sure you'll all agree, the professor deserved it. If he can
dish it out, he should be able to take it.

What's so interesting about these racist jokes is they often have their origin in Real Life --
which is one reason why they are usually so outrageously unfair (even if they do make
us laugh). Let me give you an example: The Scottish people came from a poor part of Great Britain and were, for many centuries, exceedingly thrifty and careful with their money, in order to survive. Now, in someone we know and love (Our own grandmother? Our father? Ourself??), we would call that common sense and wisdom: if you lack wealth, you should count your pennies and be cost-conscious, right?

But that's not the way racist/nasty jokes go. They are out to mock the Other -- even if we feel that in ourselves, the attribute is attractive and praiseworthy. Here's a classic:

Young Sandy MacTavish rushes into his house breathless and filled with pride
and excitement.
"Dad! Dad!" he screams. "After school, I ran home behind a streetcar -- all the way home -- and I saved a dime!"
His father slaps his son across the face.
"You wasteful child," he says. "Why didn't you run behind a taxi cab and save two dollars?"

Do you find this joke funny? I can't deny that it is rather witty -- but is it worth the stereotyping and belittling of an entire nation? (A people who truly settled this country, planned its railroads and served as its Prime Ministers for much of its first half-century.)

The question I ask is, is it possible for "racist" jokes to be merely "racial" -- that is, to not hurt or destroy or stereotype others, and/or make the target less human -- but merely poke fun at a situation? I really think they can.

Here are some which I love -- and I think you'll love them, too. And please notice, each
of these involve a powerless (or "less powerful"/"not-in-power") group, triumphing over
a more powerful/in-power group.

A Navajo comes to Manhattan to attend college. He is utterly enthralled and
fascinated by the crowds and the towering skyscrapers.
A New Yorker finds the Native Indian's awe quite charming and innocent.
"So, how do you like our city?" he asks the Navajo.
"The Native shakes his head in wonder.
"Oh, it's quite marvelous. But tell me, how do you like our country?"

(Writer's note: Is this a put-down of the White guy? Sure. But he can "take it." And, after all, the Native's statement is true. It once was his country. It's when the Whites tell anti-Indian jokes where the unfairness thrives.)

A missionary in India is having a passionate talk with a Hindu, whom he hopes to convert to Christianity.
"Come now," says the British missionary. "Wouldn't you like to go to heaven when you die?"
The Hindu shakes his head in polite regret. "Oh, no!" he says. "I don't think Heaven can be very good. If it was, you British would have grabbed it years ago!"

(As you know, the British ruled much of the world at the time of this joke. They could take a gentle ribbing from the Hindu. And who really has the power here? What the joke does, really, is even out that power a little bit.)

A guest at a major banquet in Chicago in the 1950s takes great pains to make himself agreeable to the Chinese gentleman who is seated next to him.
At a loss for small talk, he asks after the first course, "Likeee Soupee?"
The Chinese man looks up, smiles and nods.
After the next course, the man asks, "Likeee Fishee?"
Once again, the Chinese man smiles and nods.
Suddenly, a man comes out to the front of the stage. "Ladies and gentlemen, before we begin our meeting, we have a real thrill in store! Dr. Wang Foo, one of the world's leading scientists, is visiting from Hong Kong. Dr. Wang, would you be so kind as to say a few words?"
The Chinese man leaps up from the table, grabs the mike and speaks for a few
minutes in perfect English.
To wild applause, he comes back to the table, sits down, turns to his mortified
neighbour, smiles and asks, "Likeee Speecheee?"

(What a classic! And apparently it's a true story -- which is the best kind of joke. Notice what's happened here: the White man condescends, assuming that anyone who is Oriental couldn't possibly speak the English language. He gets put down in the joke -- but he sure deserves it! And I sense that no White person hearing this joke feels embarrassed or ashamed by the man's mortification. So, Likeee Jokeee?)

Let's face it. The world overflows with stereotypes. The crafty Jew, the shiftless Black, the once-warlike-now-over-studious Japanese, the oversexed Frenchman, the drunken Irishman, etc., etc., etc.

The catch is, fellow joketellers: Who is telling these jokes, and why? Is it to shame others or to liberate ourselves? (And I'm sure you'll agree, the three jokes I just shared with you are glorious in the way the powerless "win" in each.) Are we out to laugh at others' weaknesses/cheapness/stupidity, or to poke fun of our own failings and foibles? Or
to help others rejoice?

You know what one of the major problems is? In the old days, Jews told jokes about
Jews to other Jews. And Blacks/AfroAmericans told jokes about themselves to other Blacks/AfroAmericans. Ditto the Irish, the Scots, Catholics, Orientals, etc., etc.

But today? Today, a Jew or a Black or a Chinese person gets up at a banquet, or on a
TV show seen by ten million people, and tells profoundly ethnic (and highly-personal, often playfully stereotypical) jokes out loud and they are heard, and often misunderstood, by millions! The result can be highly unpleasant -- and even, yes, dangerous.

You see, laughter, by its very nature, is usually based on the sudden release of hostility (anger!) in disguise. And the aggression is usually directed toward a third person -- the outsider. So, the joke is between the one who tells it, and the one who listens to it, who then gives approval by his/her laughter. Most ethnic and sexist jokes are, by their very nature, very risky. So, the thin line between wit and outright offensiveness is often close
to vanishing, if it's even there at all.

So, are you the one being poked-fun-at? Are you a Black (Sikh/Muslim/Jew) surrounded by other Blacks/Sikhs/Muslims/Jews with whom you share a common bond, history, sensitivity? Or are you in a mixed group where others might feel awkward, embarrassed, even deeply hurt? Are you feeling good that day -- and good about yourself? If there was an I.R.A./British atrocity that morning, or an outbreak of Arab/Jewish violence that day, jokes about any of those groups suddenly become extremely tasteless, don't they?

I like to call this the "eleventh commandment": I CAN TELL IT -- YOU CAN'T!
You know what I mean: If a group of Japanese-Canadians wish to make fun of fellow Japanese-Canadians, that's cool. But if I, as a Caucasian, make fun of the Japanese, I'd better watch out! And if a Black comedian or a Black rap group wants to use the word "nigger" in a playful way, that's their choice. But if I use that dreadful word, uh-oh! If women wish to poke fun at feminism and the feminist movement among other women, that's their choice. But if I, as a man... And so on.

What I'm getting at should be clear: Joke-tellers must always be careful and cautious. And no, this is not an example of that much-overworked, phony garbage people call "P.C." or "Political Correctness." A half-century ago, White actors used to dress up in "Black-face"; it was normal for Whites to play Native Indians and Orientals in movies (as if First Nations, Chinese and Japanese performers were not eager for the work! They just didn't want to hire them!); signs reading "NO IRISH NEED APPLY" and "NO JEWS OR DOGS ALLOWED" were hung proudly in store windows and on highways across Canada.
Is it mere "political correctness" to be pleased that those days are long gone -- or is it a growing sense of decency and tolerance which now prevents such insults from being accepted and applauded ever again?

What am I getting at? It all has to do with POWER -- who has it, and who can afford to be challenged, and who can be hurt, and who cannot. Here's a good example, which has been heard - in various versions - in several versions over the past few years:

Q: What do you need if you discover a lawyer buried up to his neck in concrete?
A: More concrete.

It's not one of my favourite jokes, I must admit. A far wittier one, which I read only recently, goes like this:
...................
Q: What's the difference between a sperm and a lawyer?
A: Well, a sperm still has a chance of turning into a decent human being.

Now, lets look at these jokes for a moment. A lot of people are angry at lawyers: They
can be expensive; they are often involved in unpleasant, unhappy moments in our lives (being sued; getting divorced; drawing up a will; fighting with a crazy neighbour, etc.)
So, either joke, while not particularly fair to the profession, has a touch of reality to it --
and the legal profession will survive the mockery, the satire, the put-down -- I can
assure you of that.

But just change the word "lawyer" in the earlier jokes to a group one doesn't like (a dozen feminists/a group of Indians/a family of Blacks, etc.) who are buried up to their necks in concrete -- and the joke becomes sexist, or racist -- and incredibly ugly, vicious, intolerant, even violent. See what I mean?

Now, don't get me wrong -- jokes and ridicule can be effective, even essential, in attacking Evil and abuses in society. It was jokes told by men and women long-suffering under fascism and communism which kept tens of millions of people sane, even alive, under Hitler and Stalin. In fact, both of those mass murderers had comedians and satirists put to death, since they understood the power of humour to chip away at their own, near-absolute power.

It's when jokes are used against those who lack power and status which I'm arguing against! Please, tell jokes against flawed politicians, against unfair or oppressive powers in the world. But leave women, Blacks, Natives, Pakistanis, Poles, etc., alone! (No matter how "funny" the joke about them may be.)

Indeed, I would urge you to go beyond even this: If you hear a joke that puts down blondes/women/Poles/Newfoundlanders/Natives/Blacks whomever -- walk away from
the joke-teller and refuse to laugh. If you do, you are an accomplice. And why would
you want to be an accomplice to nastiness?

A few years ago I was asked to interview the then-new manager of the Toronto Blue Jays. His name (as you probably know now!) is Cito Gaston. We spent several hours together
in the depths of the giant SkyDome in downtown Toronto, talking about his life and career and hopes for the Jays. He told me stories about indignities and outrages from his youth in professional baseball, playing in the southern United States: How he would have to stay on the bus, in the small towns, and his White teammates would have to get him food (since Blacks weren't allowed into any of the restaurants). He talked about being dropped off at "Negro bars" in the slum areas of various cities, before the White players would drive into the centre of town to enjoy themselves at the fancy "Whites-only" places.

Listening to him, I was filled with both rage and shame. Here was this kind, gentle, decent
-- and, as two World Series Championships in the past two years have now proven -- deeply intelligent human being who was forced to go through endless indignities in his teens and twenties, merely because of the colour of his skin.

Now, do racist jokes cause such insulting behaviour? Probably not. But they certainly flow out from such situations, and they definitely make such realities possible. If women are treated in our jokes like pieces of meat, then a world of physical abuse, rape, and 35%-less-pay-an-hour will be more acceptable. And if Blacks are insulted and abused and mocked in our jokes, then it is easier to ghettoize and discriminate against them --
like Cito Gaston and millions of other Afro-Americans were forced to experience.
And as many still do.

Okay, okay. Here I am, the professional joke-writer, yelling at you to be careful about the jokes you tell. So how's this? I'll end with possibly my favourite joke of all time. Is it racist? No. But it is "racial" -- and the put-upon person "wins" for a change. See if you like it as much as I do:

A little old Jewish woman, Mrs. Goldstein, drives down to Florida every winter in the 1930s from her apartment in New York. Back then, Jews weren't welcome in many hotels -- much like Blacks right into the 1960s.
As she drives through St. Petersburg, she gets tired and starts looking for a hotel. She drives up to a little place and walks into the lobby.
"My name is Sarah Goldstein and I'd like a room," she announces, exhausted.
"I'm terribly sorry," says the hotel manager, "but we're completely full tonight. Good luck elsewhere."
Mrs. Goldstein shrugs her shoulders and turns to leave. Suddenly, a man rushes past her, tosses his keys onto the front desk, calls out "Great room! -- I gotta run!" and races out the front door.
So the little old lady turns back to the manager and says, "I'll take his room, thank
you. I'll be happy to wait until it's cleaned up."
The manager fumbles for words and finally says, "Look, lady, I didn't want to hurt
your feelings before. You see, this is a restricted hotel. We don't let Jews stay here.
Sorry."
"Oh, I'm not Jewish," says Mrs. Goldstein.
"I beg your pardon," the manager laughs.
"No, I'm not Jewish -- really," she smiles. "I'm Christian. "
"Oh, is that so?" the manager says sarcastically. "So, lady, tell me: Who was Jesus?"
"Jesus was the Son of God," answers Mrs. Goldstein, confidently.
"Yeah? And who was his mother?"
"His mother was Mary -- the Virgin Mary."
"Okay, Goldstein," snarls the manager angrily. "And where was Jesus born?"
"That's easy," says Mrs. Goldstein. "He was born in a manger."
"Okay," says the manager. "And why was Jesus born in a manger?"
"Because of jerks like you who wouldn't let Jews have a room!"

See what I mean? There is a racial joke where we all laugh and justice wins. And isn't that what we really want? A world of laughter and a world of justice.