Q: What Makes Torontonians Laugh?
A: Allan Gould

People speak of Irish humour; of Jewish wit; of Toronto half-wit. But never before has a list of specifically Torontonian jokes been excavated, organized, collated and listed -- with commentary.

Here they are, then: jokes, ribald classics (these are cracks which go back almost a decade), gags, and one-liners. All culled at great expense and time-consumption from bars and dinner tables from Mimico to Newmarket, university classrooms from the University of Toronto to York -- the latter a joke in itself -- high school cafeterias, and bathroom walls (this could eliminate Scarborough, which has yet to install indoor plumbing in most homes). Read 'em and
laugh. Torontonians do!!

Q. How many Torontonians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. In Rosedale, the butler does it. In North York, the husband; in Little Italy, a professional carpenter who is also the husband; in Scarborough, they wouldn't notice that it was out until it was dark outside, and by then, they'd all be asleep anyway!!!

(COMMENT: This joke with its acerbic and pointed satire on the various geographic areas of the city with their variant economic, cultural and social milieus, is aluays greeted by Torontonians with gales of luughter. Even if they have heard it before. Especially if they have heard it before.)


Harry: When is a Blue Jay player like a thief?
Larry: When he steals a base!!!

(COMMENT: This witticism is only enjoyed by Torontonians who are familiar with their professional baseball club, the Toronto Blue Joys. But those who "get it" often chuckle for long minutes, showing the healthy attitude that the people have toward the "sporting life. " Some commentators feel that this generous response has more
to do with the sale of beer in the ball park, something which Torontonians have
been able to experience only since the mother of the premier, William Grenville Davis, passed away.)

Question: What can you do with a dead cat?
Torontonian: Why, you shouldn't do anything with it. It should be buried at once!!

(COMMENT: Temfic gags like this one underline the profound moral sense of Torontonians. There is nothing funny about adead cat, and the Torontonian is the sort of person who cannot joke about such things. Indeed, dead cats can spread disease, and some little kid who owned the poor cat is probably broken-hearted. No one can quite explain why Torontonians have such a deep moral sensibility, as well us such a great wit; some feel it has something to do with being ruled by the same political party for over 500 years.)

A Torontonian asked a man (who hailed from Regina) where he was from.
"Saskatchewan," he replied.
"Bless you!!" said the Torontonian.

(COMMENT: This kind of playful jabbing at our friends from the prairies is a common one, heard everywhere on the streets of Toronto. Someone once figured out why this charming rivalry exists between the two provinces, but we think he died. Or was it she?)

Jerry: How do you make antifreeze?
Mary: You steal her blanket!!

(COMMENT: A perennial favourite, heard on nearly every street corner of Toronto, but only during the winter, which usually lasts from just after Labour Day until mid-May.)


Finally, the best of the lot:

Don: What Canadian animals are still found in Toronto banks?
John: The buck and the doe!!

(COMMENT: Although the second pun of the wonderful punchline (doe = dough, get it?), nearly always has to be explained to one's fellow Torontonians, this one is a favourite with the "in crowd." I personally have heard it in Hazelton Lanes, the Courtyard Cafe, The Room (Simpsons), Creeds, the York Club, and so on. With three and often four banks on every street corner of the city, it's not surprising that this one is a winner.)

Freud (who was not a Torontonian, by the way) has pointed out to us just how important and subtle jokes can be. They provide great insight into a man, a woman, a culture, a religion, a nationality.

Torontonians are a highly complex people, with a sharply defined sense of humour, as can be seen from the above. From Ben Wicks to the Globe and Mail's Morning Smile, these are a people rich in satire, parody, wit and good humour.

Long may they laugh.